Need sex. Gaining weight.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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