he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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