Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
