i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize