i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Four minutes until I can fart!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
