I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
