There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
foreskin is a definite game changer
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
