seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
