Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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