I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
