can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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