I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
