I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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