Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
