I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
