i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she looked like the before picture.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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