my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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