I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
