Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
