Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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