so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
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I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
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Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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