I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
