Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I supernannyed him into submission
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
