i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
