the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
