Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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