You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
