We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
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you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
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I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
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