I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
