Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
