my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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