I will die if light touches me.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
