New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
