If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
she peed on how many people?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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