you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
