Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
