the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
