Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
