Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
