You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
