The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
