I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize