dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
