do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize