38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
