you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
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she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
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If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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