the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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