I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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