Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
