So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
