your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize