ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
