Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
