like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
