exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
