Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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