May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I touched a dick in church today
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize