I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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