forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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