I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
