and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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