Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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