Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
