'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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