first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
