Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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