trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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