Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
