I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
