i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
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I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
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He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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