the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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