at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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