My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I met the friendliest cop last night
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
